Realizations

This time last year, I was working towards jumping through all the hoops my insurance company required to approve the gastric bypass surgery I was hoping to have done. It felt like a long, arduous task, but I managed to make it through the required period of time & in to the doctor's office for the consultation.

While there, I spoke with a counselor who gave me some very good advice. She opened my eyes to something I hadn't truly considered before. If I wasn't ready to change my lifestyle, I would be doing myself a disservice by going forward with this surgery. All patients will lose weight. This was not the issue. The issue was unless I make a complete lifestyle change, spending at least 30 minutes a day in exercise, eating nutritious foods, being constantly conscious of what I put in to my body, I had better count on gaining almost all (if not all & then some, if history truly does repeat itself) the weight back within 5 years of this surgery.

I also realized gastric bypass is a last ditch effort. It's for people who have tried everything else, & nothing has worked. I realized it's taking the hard way out. Big time. I've watched three of my family members, who have had various versions of this surgery, deal with a plethora of side effects from a very serious problem with a stricture, to dumping (you don't want to know), to blood infections, to constant hunger... pretty much almost every possible side effect listed except death.

Knowing all this, I was still headed down that same road. I was sick & tired of being sick & tired all the time. I wanted to lose the weight so badly, yet every time I did I would quickly gain all of it back plus an extra 10 or 15 new "friends" would come join the party. I was willing to do just about anything to fix this.

After speaking with the counselor, I realized I had some "me" things to work on before I could go ahead with the surgery. This was last summer when I met with her. My next appointment in that office would have been for the post-op check up. I was so close to finally making this happen. It's what I'd been working towards for so many long months before! It was at that point I completely backed away from it. I needed to work on me. I couldn't go through with it, knowing I hadn't made that committment to a lifestyle change yet, only to cause myself further hardship by going through with the surgery. And I'm so glad I didn't go through with it.

Today, I realized something new. I don't qualify for the surgery anymore. With the work I've been doing, trying to get my life (weight, self-control, etc.) back in my own hands, I couldn't get my insurance company to pay for this surgery even if I wanted it! I don't meet the qualifications anymore. The only one I ever met was the one concerning BMI. Thankfully, I have no health conditions that would qualify me for this. That is to say, I didn't have them yet. With what I've been doing, my chances of dealing with those weight-related health issues have dropped dramatically. And the more I work, the less my chances are of EVER having to deal with them.

To me, this is much greater news than any number on the scale! For the first time in a long time, I feel like I know where I'm going. And I like it. :)