What!? It's been more than a year??

It's hard to believe it's been so long since I've updated this blog about my progress.

I'm sad to report that the HCG Protocol didn't work for me. At least not the way I had dreamed. HCG will help you lose weight, no doubt, but what it won't do is help you keep it off.

By last October, I was down a total of 80 pounds. Today, I'm only down about 30 pounds. In 6 months I gained back 50 pounds! Talk about a yo-yo! Not good, I know. I now see where my mistake was. It's the same thing that would've made having gastric bypass a big mistake. I hadn't learned how to eat right. Portion control was a foreign concept to me. Making a conscious decision to choose what I eat, versus what's available & fast, was something I hadn't fully grasped.

All along, I had planned to join Weight Watchers after I had lost most of the weight. I knew I had to learn some skills, I just didn't know I needed them before I began my HCG journey.

I've finally decided to get my act together, utilize the tools available to me, & try again. I don't consider my gaining back so much weight to be a failure. I know the only way I fail is if I give up & give in. I joined Weight Watchers a few months ago, went to a handful of meetings, saw exactly what I was paying for, deemed it a waste of money (who needs someone trying to sell me the next great thing in body sculpting? I'll pay for nutrition classes, but not to be sold a gadget or gizmo, thankyouverymuch), & I'm working the system on my own. I'm still doing the program, only I'm not paying for the meetings or the online tools I never would use.

I'm only down 12 pounds so far, but I wasn't really serious about until about a month ago. And progress is progress!

The best news is, I've had a change in the way I think about food. It's a turning point for me. "Food is fuel, not fun. " (kind of like another favorite saying "Fish are friends, not food", only without the fish. haha) I have committed myself to making better choices in the things I put in to my body & also my family members bodies. My 8 year old chose to be a vegetarian about 2 years ago, & I've decided he's on to something. So for the past 5 weeks I've been meat-free. I love seeing all the gorgeous colors of fruits & veggies that adorn my counter & I'm trying so many new things I never thought I'd try, let alone like!

Life is GOOD! :)

Nearing the end of this round

Yesterday was my 40th injection for this round, so today & tomorrow I'm sticking with the 500 calorie plan, then on Tuesday I'm moving on to Phase 3. In P3, I get to re-introduce all kinds of goodies! On the very top of my list is:

• coconut
• cheese
• nuts
• anything other than chicken!

I'm almost as giddy as a school girl at the thought of Tuesday night's book club, where fabulous fondue will be served. :D :D :D

So, for this round, I lost a total of 33 pounds, on the nose. My losses were a little slower this round, but the results are still amazing! So far I'm down 60 pounds since January!!

Wednesday is my 9 year anniversary with my best friend & sweetheart. We'll be celebrating by heading to the Temple to do some family sealings & remember the covenants we made with one another so many years ago. Afterward, we'll go to some nice restaurant where I plan to enjoy a delicious steak & my company. :)

The almost ironic part of it all is, as anxious as I was to make my way in to the 100's with this round, my scale didn't agree with me. At yesterday morning's weigh in (my last injection weight or LIW), I was 200.2. I kind of feel like someone's pulled a fast one on me or something, being *that* close, but I'm okay with it. It just means that in 7 more weeks, the only numbers I'll be seeing on the scale from now on, FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE (!!), will start with a '1'. Now that I can live with! :D


Though the disembodied head is a little creepy, this t-shirt embodies my thoughts. And though it's taken more than just thought to get me half way there, that's exactly where I find myself. I'm half way to my long-term goal! Sixty pounds down, another sixty to go.

Upon reflection, I find I have a lot more faith in my ability to do good things for myself than ever before. I've heard it said, & even repeated it more than a few times, "if you think you can, you can, and if you think you can't, you can't". In this battle to find myself, regain my health, build my faith, & begin to fully realize that I can do so much better (& that I'm deserving of so much better than I'm used to), my attitude is vitally important! Combined with hard work, & of course prayer, I can do anything! :D

8.6 pounds in 8 days?

Can I do it? I'm certainly going to try. I only have 8.6 pounds left to go until I hit my short-term goal of 34 pounds gone forever in this current round of hcg.

Just around the corner is a phrase I stole from other bloggers... one-derland! I'm only 8 pounds away from kissing the 200's goodbye forever!

I was thinking about this the other day while in the shower (it's where I do my best thinking, for those of you who wanted to know); I'm going through my options & thinking about the future. I know I won't maintain this weight I've lost if I return to my old habits when I finish with the diet. When all is said & done, I plan to join Weight Watchers. I know that sounds kind of backwards, but really it's just for the knowledge more than it would be for further weight loss. Plus, I told my husband I want a gym membership for Mother's Day. And I want him to join me with that membership.

A gym membership isn't likely on the top of the list for other mother's, but I'm fairly practical & it's something I've been wanting for a long time now, so it seems ideal for me. Plus, I figure if I get one & start getting more in shape, the husband will follow suit.

If I can get these last 8+ pounds off quickly, the sooner I can start using that membership! :)

That Felt Good!

For the past few weeks, I've been slowly putting all my kids' winter clothes away & setting aside all the clothes that won't fit them in the fall. Tonight I decided to begin putting my "fat clothes" away. Just the ones that are the worst offenders... I really hate having to constantly adjust my tops so they aren't showing off my goods & roll the waist of my pants down just to keep them up. I suppose I could invest in a belt (I haven't owned one of those for years!), but many of my clothes are now about 3 sizes too big, so I thought it best to just begin phasing them out.

I managed to fill an entire box! Just my clothes!

I plan to store them in the garage, cuz I'm paranoid like that, but they are no longer gracing my closet hangers with their droopy-selves. :D That feels really good.

VLCD25

After deciding not to pay attention to the days as they pass (it makes being on the diet a bit harder if you're aware of exactly what day you're on at all times) when I log my daily weigh-ins, I was pleasantly surprised to find I'm on day 25 of the very low calorie portion of the diet. :) As of this morning, I'm down 21.6 pounds!

My losses have slowed dramatically over the past week & a half, after my period graced me with its presence a whole 2 weeks early, so I'm hoping to get back up there in the 1 pound loss per day average again soon.


Another thing that I haven't been keeping track of is my total weight loss since starting the protocol in January, so when I was thinking about it the other day I figured up that I've lost nearly 50 pounds since I began this journey less than 4 months ago!! Amazingly, I'm 60 pounds lighter than I was this time last year. Just typing that makes me smile. :D


My clothes are looking pretty baggy on me these days. Since I decided I wouldn't go out & spend a bunch of money on new clothes until I was finished with this round, I instead went out & spent it on a new 'do. :) For years now I've wanted to put a little color in my hair, yet was never brave enough to take the plunge. I've done some crazy things with my hair in the past (going through cosmetology school umpteen years ago will do that, along with supporting a friend & raising money for St. Baldricks & shaving it off entirely a few years back), so this little streak of color shouldn't have seemed like such a big deal. Well I finally took the plunge & let my little wild streak show on the outside, instead of just tamping it down on the inside like I tend to do.




The little girls in my class at Church yesterday were very sweet with all their compliments. There mothers, not so much. ;) (no one had anything bad to say, but I did get some looks) That's alright though... I'm happy with it & I'm glad I finally did it.

Half Way There!

My current goal is to lose another 34 pounds & as of this morning I'm currently down 18 pounds. Due to gaining some weight between rounds, a bit of incorrect math in the first round, & my loading days, I'm not down 52 pounds like I should be, but just under 45 pounds.

45 pounds!

I feel really good about that number. And I'm starting to notice a difference in the shape of my face, which I'm very pleased about. I used to be a pretty girl. I even found proof (albeit kind of ragged looking) a few months ago, when I stumbled across my senior picture!



I know even if I got back down to my high school weight, I would never look like that again. Things have shifted over the years. I've had 4 children & nursed them all. The girls aren't where they once were. But I'm okay with that & I embrace it. I just want to be healthy again. :)

We'll Just Call It 10

This morning's weigh in revealed another 2 pounds gone! Forever!! I haven't been at this weight in over 8 years!



So that makes the total now 9.6 pounds, which as you know from a prior confession, I'm a rounder when it comes to the scale. Considering that's only based on 4 days of restraint (& if we're being honest here, I wasn't perfect yesterday... more on that later), I'm very pleased! This time in my last round with hcg I only down 6 pounds.

So yesterday I was out running around with kids & picked up a protein-style double-double (with no cheese, hold the sauce & tomato, with some onion, a teeny bit of ketchup, & some mustard) from In-N-Out Burger for lunch. Can I just say how incredibly YUMMY that was!? We're allowed 3.5 ounces of lean ground beef & that's about right with this burger. My no-no was mixing my veggies. Since it was wrapped in lettuce, I should've skipped on the onion, but who eats a burger without some onion slices on there!? Well, besides the husband, that is...

I'm excited for 8 a.m. tomorrow!! :D

Coconut: How Do I Love Thee?...

This drawing is entitled "Coconut Dreams"... it took me a sec to get it, but gave me a chuckle when I finally did. :)

And miss thee!!

What I wouldn't give for my new favorite night time crunchy snack right about now!? Coconut is so good for you, yet it isn't on protocol. So my recently acquired habit of buying 2 coconuts every few days (& my kids' hysterical laughter at my efforts to find the easiest way to crack one... it's seriously a show they gather to watch around here) must wait for another month or so.

Young coconuts are the bees knees! They aren't found at most grocery stores, but are worth the trek to Whole Foods or (if you're lucky enough to have one in your area) Trader Joes. The juice, of a young coconut is packed FULL of electrolytes & the meat is naturally fat-free & is really delicious.

This ends my (not) paid plug for the consumption of coconuts. :P

P.S. I'm down another 3.4 lbs. as of this morning! :D

VLCD2

That's 'very low calorie day 2', for all you non-hcg speakers. ;)

This morning's weigh-in was a good one. I'm down 2.4 pounds, which I'll take any day of the week! If only every weigh-in were so good! Still, I can't complain. My average daily losses were about 1 pound, which is amazing!

Last round I had headaches for the first 3 days, but so far I'm doing alright there. I would love to skip over that entirely! I was a little bit tired at mid-day, but only feeling a little bit drained is an improvement from my normal.

My stomach protested a bit last night & let me know it was empty, but other than that I had no signs of hunger all day yesterday. This round I've decided to lower the dose of hcg to see what happens, since I'm told that sometimes less is more, so I'm on the look-out for any signs of the lower dosage not working for me. I've heard there can be better results with a lower dosage, so I guess we'll see.

For those of you on the hcg protocol, I'm using 5000 iu's of Hucog & am doing 150 iu's for my dosage. Last round I used the same product, only I used 200 iu's for my dosage. Since 200 is typically the highest dosage, I wanted to see if lowering it would produce different (hopefully better) results. We shall see!

Phase 4

I haven't posted in a while mainly because I really haven't had any updates for my wild fan base. ;o) So, though it's not much, here's what I have for you...

I've moved on to phase 4 of the protocol, where I get to slowly add starches & sugars back in to my diet. So far I've been maintaining my weight loss really well. I'm a week in to phase 4 now, & I'm really looking forward to getting back to the weight loss portion of the protocol (phase 2). :)

I'm pretty sure I've said this before but, for a big girl, losing 34 pounds doesn't look like much. I'm just *so* ready to get to a point where I can start noticing a difference. All I see in the mirror right now is a leeetle bit smaller head on a still overly-large frame. I can understand why 34 pounds may not look like much of a difference, but when I think of the difference I'll see when I hit the 60 pound mark... that excites me!

Then maybe I can justify buying some new clothes. Maybe. It's hard to imagine spending a bunch of money on things for myself. I'm the crazy lady at the store who picks out something for herself & winds up putting it back (okay, so most of the time it doesn't actually make it back to its home), having talked myself out of it, if I spend too much time with it in my cart before it's time to pay for my purchases.

Am I the only one?

Realizations

This time last year, I was working towards jumping through all the hoops my insurance company required to approve the gastric bypass surgery I was hoping to have done. It felt like a long, arduous task, but I managed to make it through the required period of time & in to the doctor's office for the consultation.

While there, I spoke with a counselor who gave me some very good advice. She opened my eyes to something I hadn't truly considered before. If I wasn't ready to change my lifestyle, I would be doing myself a disservice by going forward with this surgery. All patients will lose weight. This was not the issue. The issue was unless I make a complete lifestyle change, spending at least 30 minutes a day in exercise, eating nutritious foods, being constantly conscious of what I put in to my body, I had better count on gaining almost all (if not all & then some, if history truly does repeat itself) the weight back within 5 years of this surgery.

I also realized gastric bypass is a last ditch effort. It's for people who have tried everything else, & nothing has worked. I realized it's taking the hard way out. Big time. I've watched three of my family members, who have had various versions of this surgery, deal with a plethora of side effects from a very serious problem with a stricture, to dumping (you don't want to know), to blood infections, to constant hunger... pretty much almost every possible side effect listed except death.

Knowing all this, I was still headed down that same road. I was sick & tired of being sick & tired all the time. I wanted to lose the weight so badly, yet every time I did I would quickly gain all of it back plus an extra 10 or 15 new "friends" would come join the party. I was willing to do just about anything to fix this.

After speaking with the counselor, I realized I had some "me" things to work on before I could go ahead with the surgery. This was last summer when I met with her. My next appointment in that office would have been for the post-op check up. I was so close to finally making this happen. It's what I'd been working towards for so many long months before! It was at that point I completely backed away from it. I needed to work on me. I couldn't go through with it, knowing I hadn't made that committment to a lifestyle change yet, only to cause myself further hardship by going through with the surgery. And I'm so glad I didn't go through with it.

Today, I realized something new. I don't qualify for the surgery anymore. With the work I've been doing, trying to get my life (weight, self-control, etc.) back in my own hands, I couldn't get my insurance company to pay for this surgery even if I wanted it! I don't meet the qualifications anymore. The only one I ever met was the one concerning BMI. Thankfully, I have no health conditions that would qualify me for this. That is to say, I didn't have them yet. With what I've been doing, my chances of dealing with those weight-related health issues have dropped dramatically. And the more I work, the less my chances are of EVER having to deal with them.

To me, this is much greater news than any number on the scale! For the first time in a long time, I feel like I know where I'm going. And I like it. :)

A BIG day, a BIG deal

Today I took my final injection for this round. When I last posted, I planned for today to be my last injection day anyway. However, the morning after my last post showed a 1.8 pound loss, so I changed my mind about stopping early & decided I'd talk the husband in to taking me out for fondue instead.

I'm telling you, seeing a nice drop on the scale is ADDICTIVE!!

I had a small loss the following day, but this morning I woke up to another BIG loss. 3.8 pounds! Thank you stomach bug!! :P This unpleasant episode actually caused me to lose enough to get me to the magic number ~ 34 pounds.
After re-reading Pounds & Inches today, the guidelines are 40 injections, or 34 pounds is where you should stop your current round. I reached the 34 pounds in 38 days (not bad!) & so today I'm done with this portion of the protocol. I get to move on to CHEESE!!! I get to have that scrumptious fondue after all! :D Hello, Tuesday (& some of the funnest group of girls out there), here I come!



I feel like I've accomplished something big. I know I've said this before, but I'm really feeling it today. It's a big day for me! :D Though I know I won't reach my goal of losing 40 pounds by April 1st (when my little brother comes home from his mission), I'm very pleased with how far I've come.

Six days & counting!

I've been on this protocol since January 13th & to date I've lost 29 pounds. The daily losses have slowed down drastically & I'm thinking my body's saying "this is the best you're going to get this round". :o)

I'm planning to stop my injections on Saturday (early than I had originally planned) & the diet part will end on Tuesday. I've decided to be selfish & indulge in the amazingly delish cheese fondue that will be had at this month's Mom's Book Club meeting for our homeschool group. Since I can't do this until I've moved on to Phase 3, Tuesday will be the big day.

In Phase 3, you're allowed to eat anything except sugars (not the naturally occuring kind) & starches. This portion of the protocol only lasts 3 weeks, after which I'm able to slowly reintroduce sugars & starches. I have to say, I cannot wait to eat some CHEESE! I've missed it's deliciousness more than I ever thought I could! And I'm sick to death of chicken.

Though there's still a long way to go, I feel like I've accomplished something big, for me. It makes me feel so good to think about that. :)

As hard as it's been some days, I'm so grateful I did this. No matter how much weight I lost or didn't lose, I showed myself I'm capable of taking control of my desires. I'm stronger than any craving. I'm worth the effort, for effort it has been. I've never been good at self control & often thought it was something I really didn't possess (at least when it came to food), so this experience has taught me a lot & I'm thankful for it. And I'm as eager as a beaver to get to do it again in another 7 weeks! :D

Checking in

It's been a few days since I last posted any progress. It was because there really was no progress to report. I was getting a bit frustrated with the scale because it wasn't budging for several days. I'd hit the plateau all the hcg dieters talk about.

I took it fairly well, though I almost returned my scale to buy a new one. I would've sworn it was a liar!

This morning I woke & did my thing & weighed myself... FINALLY (!!) the weight-freeze was over! I'm officially down 23 pounds now, which makes me very happy. I have another 3 weeks left of the very low calorie diet (VLCD) & I'd LOVE to lose another 15 or so pounds in that time. With this protocol, you're only supposed to lose 34 pounds (where the magic number comes from, I have no clue) in the 40. The only exception to the rule is if you haven't done all 40 injections yet & are still losing well, you can go 5 or so more pounds past if you're very overweight. Since I fit in to that category, you'd better believe I plan on pushing it as far as I can!

So today is day 23 for me & I feel so much better than I did before I started this. I don't really see a difference yet, but I had a few comments today (which totally made my day better).

I'm looking forward to adding things like cheese back in to my diet. Three more weeks... as a wise & good friend once told me, I can do ANYTHING for three weeks! :) And she's right.

A Milestone Achieved

I just realized today I've turned the corner & now have less than 100 pounds to lose! YEAH! I'd like to get my weight down between 140 & 150, which leaves me with 98 or 88 pounds left to go. I'm thrilled, to say the least. I'm a big-boned girl, so even at 140 I'd be a size 12, but I'd be happy just to get out of the obese category & get my life back!

It's nice to be out of the triple digits! :)

P.S. I had another loss this morning. I'm down 20.4 lbs now. YAY! :)

I'm a Rounder

I'll confess it now. The only thing I ever round is my weight loss. And only if it's being rounded up. If I'm two ounces away from having lost 19 pounds, I'm calling it 19 pounds. When the husband rounds things (the time, mainly) it irritates me to no end. But since it's my weight loss, I'm allowing rounding. ;o)

So, as of this morning, I'm down 19 whole, stinkin' pounds!! I had gained a pound a few days ago, then yesterday was stalled at the same weight as the day before, so the nearly 3 pound release was very welcomed!

With the hcg protocol, you must weigh in every morning when you first get up. On the mornings I take my son to Seminary, I come back home & catch an extra hour of sleep, so I don't do this right away, but I'm sure it's not affecting the numbers at all. One of the things this protocol teaches, which is contrary to nearly every other program out there, is you must weigh in daily. This, they claim, is how you can keep the weight off permanently. If you're aware of a gain, on a daily basis, you're more likely to take care of it before it gets out of hand, is the thought.

Anyway, I'm celebrating today! Not with a sweet treat, like I normally would, but with a nice big salad & maybe a juicy apple. :)

Going to a Recipe Exchange tonight

Normally, this kind of thing would be dicey at best, when I'm on a "diet". There will be samples of deliciousness at every turn, I bet. As long as there are not DOTS candy there, I'm pretty sure I'll leave unscathed.

I'm bringing a yumm-o white chicken chili. Full of all the good (not for me, though) stuff. I'm cool though. I've already prepared myself by making & eating my dinner, so I won't be hungry. Temptations these days are few & far between. I even perused the candy aisle at the dollar store the other day & spotted my one true love, yet didn't feel overly tempted.

Overall, my day has been really good & I'm continuing to make good choices. This mornings weigh in was up a pound, but I'm guessing this is water weight because of the old hag that's visiting. I'm not worried at all.

Now, off to the fun! :)

P.S. I *heart* Sesame Melba Toast! YUM!!

Acknowledging the struggle

It's good to want for things, I've decided. It's certainly not easy when it's a seemingly unceasing stream of thoughts about the food in the next room, but it's good to have opposition to struggle with. If not, I'd have nothing to overcome!

I took the advice of one of your comments & took to exercising when my stress level & anxiety over the banana nut bread in the other room (calling my name!) took hold of me. Can I just say I feel so much better!

I'll need these coping techniques in the future when things like yummy banana nut bread are allowed again. I'm glad I tried it out & saw that instead of digging in & making a pig of myself, I can handle these moments differently & come away feeling much better than before.

An accidental advantage

My old scale was acting up, so I picked up a new one last night. Of course all scales are slightly different, but this one in particular was giving me a headache. The old scale was unreliable, so every morning when I would weigh myself, I'd do so at least twice to get matching numbers before writing anything down. The more times I'd test it to see if the last reading was right, the larger variety of numbers it would give. Finally, after months of it telling me it didn't like me (not working when I'd ask it nicely to), I caved & bought a new one.

Whatcha think?

It's the lazy-man's scale. :)

First of all, I didn't actually buy a toilet seat with a built in scale. But it gives me a chuckle to think of the various ways this could be used. I've never before thought about exactly how much my bladder could hold, but with this neat invention I totally could! Hahaha

Not that I want to, though. :oP

So the new scale likes me & said my weight loss is up & over 10 pounds now. Not that I agree with it, but I sure do love it & plan to talk much nicer to it than my last POC. So, I'm back in the 240's now & plan on having another small loss in the morning.

With the hcg protocol, you are required to weigh in every day. Normally, this would lead to disappointment & discouragement, but with this protocol you actually see the results your efforts give every single morning! I LOVE weighing in every morning (unless I'm a big cheater, then I can expect a gain). It helps keep me on track.

The very low calorie diet only consists of 500 calories per day, so I need as much encouragement from my scale as possible. For those of you who aren't familiar with this protocol, yes, I said 500 calories per day. But the amazing thing about this is you actually don't feel hungry. I honestly feel like I'm eating nearly all day. My biggest struggle is in my head, not in my stomach, which is incredibly helpful. The lack of hunger is a side effect of the hcg.

With such a low calorie diet, you would expect not only hunger, but also lethargy, headaches, & various other forms of unease. When I don't feel well, I'm such a grump. Any one of my family members can attest to the fact that I'm can get really ugly when I don't feel well. With this protocol, I feel so much better than when I'm not on it.

With the daily losses & general feelings of well-being, plus a few other bonuses I'll get in to at a later time, I would recommend this protocol to anyone!

I'm a LOSER, baby!

As of this morning, I'm down 4 pounds, 10 ounces. YAY!! Today is day 4 of the very low calorie diet & I'm feeling really good. A little empty, but not quite hungry. Usually by noon or so I'm ready to sleep the rest of the day away, but I have more energy & just feel well all around, which is really nice.

I'm excited to see where I'll be in 2 weeks from now! I'm not sure my goal of 40 pounds by the first week of April is feasible, but I'm excited to try for it!