Realizations

This time last year, I was working towards jumping through all the hoops my insurance company required to approve the gastric bypass surgery I was hoping to have done. It felt like a long, arduous task, but I managed to make it through the required period of time & in to the doctor's office for the consultation.

While there, I spoke with a counselor who gave me some very good advice. She opened my eyes to something I hadn't truly considered before. If I wasn't ready to change my lifestyle, I would be doing myself a disservice by going forward with this surgery. All patients will lose weight. This was not the issue. The issue was unless I make a complete lifestyle change, spending at least 30 minutes a day in exercise, eating nutritious foods, being constantly conscious of what I put in to my body, I had better count on gaining almost all (if not all & then some, if history truly does repeat itself) the weight back within 5 years of this surgery.

I also realized gastric bypass is a last ditch effort. It's for people who have tried everything else, & nothing has worked. I realized it's taking the hard way out. Big time. I've watched three of my family members, who have had various versions of this surgery, deal with a plethora of side effects from a very serious problem with a stricture, to dumping (you don't want to know), to blood infections, to constant hunger... pretty much almost every possible side effect listed except death.

Knowing all this, I was still headed down that same road. I was sick & tired of being sick & tired all the time. I wanted to lose the weight so badly, yet every time I did I would quickly gain all of it back plus an extra 10 or 15 new "friends" would come join the party. I was willing to do just about anything to fix this.

After speaking with the counselor, I realized I had some "me" things to work on before I could go ahead with the surgery. This was last summer when I met with her. My next appointment in that office would have been for the post-op check up. I was so close to finally making this happen. It's what I'd been working towards for so many long months before! It was at that point I completely backed away from it. I needed to work on me. I couldn't go through with it, knowing I hadn't made that committment to a lifestyle change yet, only to cause myself further hardship by going through with the surgery. And I'm so glad I didn't go through with it.

Today, I realized something new. I don't qualify for the surgery anymore. With the work I've been doing, trying to get my life (weight, self-control, etc.) back in my own hands, I couldn't get my insurance company to pay for this surgery even if I wanted it! I don't meet the qualifications anymore. The only one I ever met was the one concerning BMI. Thankfully, I have no health conditions that would qualify me for this. That is to say, I didn't have them yet. With what I've been doing, my chances of dealing with those weight-related health issues have dropped dramatically. And the more I work, the less my chances are of EVER having to deal with them.

To me, this is much greater news than any number on the scale! For the first time in a long time, I feel like I know where I'm going. And I like it. :)

A BIG day, a BIG deal

Today I took my final injection for this round. When I last posted, I planned for today to be my last injection day anyway. However, the morning after my last post showed a 1.8 pound loss, so I changed my mind about stopping early & decided I'd talk the husband in to taking me out for fondue instead.

I'm telling you, seeing a nice drop on the scale is ADDICTIVE!!

I had a small loss the following day, but this morning I woke up to another BIG loss. 3.8 pounds! Thank you stomach bug!! :P This unpleasant episode actually caused me to lose enough to get me to the magic number ~ 34 pounds.
After re-reading Pounds & Inches today, the guidelines are 40 injections, or 34 pounds is where you should stop your current round. I reached the 34 pounds in 38 days (not bad!) & so today I'm done with this portion of the protocol. I get to move on to CHEESE!!! I get to have that scrumptious fondue after all! :D Hello, Tuesday (& some of the funnest group of girls out there), here I come!



I feel like I've accomplished something big. I know I've said this before, but I'm really feeling it today. It's a big day for me! :D Though I know I won't reach my goal of losing 40 pounds by April 1st (when my little brother comes home from his mission), I'm very pleased with how far I've come.

Six days & counting!

I've been on this protocol since January 13th & to date I've lost 29 pounds. The daily losses have slowed down drastically & I'm thinking my body's saying "this is the best you're going to get this round". :o)

I'm planning to stop my injections on Saturday (early than I had originally planned) & the diet part will end on Tuesday. I've decided to be selfish & indulge in the amazingly delish cheese fondue that will be had at this month's Mom's Book Club meeting for our homeschool group. Since I can't do this until I've moved on to Phase 3, Tuesday will be the big day.

In Phase 3, you're allowed to eat anything except sugars (not the naturally occuring kind) & starches. This portion of the protocol only lasts 3 weeks, after which I'm able to slowly reintroduce sugars & starches. I have to say, I cannot wait to eat some CHEESE! I've missed it's deliciousness more than I ever thought I could! And I'm sick to death of chicken.

Though there's still a long way to go, I feel like I've accomplished something big, for me. It makes me feel so good to think about that. :)

As hard as it's been some days, I'm so grateful I did this. No matter how much weight I lost or didn't lose, I showed myself I'm capable of taking control of my desires. I'm stronger than any craving. I'm worth the effort, for effort it has been. I've never been good at self control & often thought it was something I really didn't possess (at least when it came to food), so this experience has taught me a lot & I'm thankful for it. And I'm as eager as a beaver to get to do it again in another 7 weeks! :D

Holding steady

I'm back visiting the wall, unfortunately, but I'm doing alright. I'm holding steady at just under 28 pounds lost in 28 days of doing the protocol.

I've had a few people wonder how I plan to keep it all from coming back after I'm done with the very low calorie part of the protocol. Though I have to admit I'm more of a "hoper" than a believer, according to Dr. Simeons (the man who discovered the relationship between weight loss & hcg) if you do this just the way he's instructed, you are resetting your body weight to this new weight.

It has something to do with the hypothalmus gland in your brain &, though I can't remember the exact details, he claims you can maintain the weight loss for life as long as you are committing yourself to changing your eating habits for life. And this is the plan.

I don't want to be unhealthy for the rest of my life! I want to LIVE it, not just be a spectator. I'm sure those of you who've dealt with weight problems can totally relate. It's time to kick this thing in the sweet spot & that's exactly what I'm doing here. I'm giving myself a boost & a head start with this protocol.

So far, I've lost a dress size or so. My sweetheart can see a difference, though I really can't. I haven't spent enough time in front of a mirror for the past 10+ years to be able to notice a difference. I've been avoiding them, for obvious reasons.

I'm thrilled to be where I'm at so far. Only about 2 more weeks left on this portion of the protocol, then on to Phase 3 where I get to add a lot of other foods back in to my diet (pretty much everything but starches & sugars). That will last for 3 weeks & then I'll move on to Phase 4. In Phase 4, I will slowly start adding starches & sugars back in to my diet. After 3 weeks of this, I can go back on the protocol for another 5+ weeks to try to lose another 30+ pounds.

Last night we had a few friends come over & the husband referred to my weight loss as "a lot". Afterwards I had to explain to him why he shouldn't do that anymore. Being a big girl, it takes dropping a lot of weight to actually see a difference, & 27 pounds just isn't a lot. Not at my size. I'm afraid people will feel badly for not noticing (which they really shouldn't... I just know I would if someone said they'd lost a lot of weight & I couldn't tell), or worse that they'll start noticing. I hate being the center of attention. Ever.

Checking in

It's been a few days since I last posted any progress. It was because there really was no progress to report. I was getting a bit frustrated with the scale because it wasn't budging for several days. I'd hit the plateau all the hcg dieters talk about.

I took it fairly well, though I almost returned my scale to buy a new one. I would've sworn it was a liar!

This morning I woke & did my thing & weighed myself... FINALLY (!!) the weight-freeze was over! I'm officially down 23 pounds now, which makes me very happy. I have another 3 weeks left of the very low calorie diet (VLCD) & I'd LOVE to lose another 15 or so pounds in that time. With this protocol, you're only supposed to lose 34 pounds (where the magic number comes from, I have no clue) in the 40. The only exception to the rule is if you haven't done all 40 injections yet & are still losing well, you can go 5 or so more pounds past if you're very overweight. Since I fit in to that category, you'd better believe I plan on pushing it as far as I can!

So today is day 23 for me & I feel so much better than I did before I started this. I don't really see a difference yet, but I had a few comments today (which totally made my day better).

I'm looking forward to adding things like cheese back in to my diet. Three more weeks... as a wise & good friend once told me, I can do ANYTHING for three weeks! :) And she's right.

Persistence

"That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do - not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our power to do is increased."

"I realize it takes a constant effort on the part of each and every one of us to make a success of our lives. It requires no effort at all to roll down the hill, but it does require an effort to climb the hill to the summit."

"I feel that we should learn never to become discouraged. ...I believe when we determine within our hearts that by and with the blessings of God our Heavenly Father we will accomplish a certain labor, God gives the ability to accomplish that labor; but when we lay down, when we become discouraged, when we look at the top of the mountain and say it is impossible to climb to the summit, while we never make an effort it will never be accomplished."

~ Heber J. Grant

Right now, my mountain is this weight that needs to come off. I know I cannot climb this mountain alone. I need to work on remembering this & then the moments when I feel discouraged, I can take heart in knowing I am never alone.